When people are happy, you can tell. It’s easy to see in how they hold himself, how easily their smiles come and how it reaches their eyes. Conversely, it can be just as easy to tell that someone is unhappy if you’re able to see the right signs. So how do you know if someone is unhappy in their marriage? Usually the spouse is the first person who could notice the signs, after all, they tend to know their significant other better than anybody else, but if the matter is not approached properly, you could find yourself getting put off.
No one likes to admit that there’s a problem in their marriage and no one likes to have those serious talks. Maybe they feel like they’d be shifting the blame onto their spouse when the problem lies with them or maybe they just don’t want to admit that there’s a problem in the first place. Whatever the reason, you have to be able to tell when someone is unhappy and figure out what will make them happy. This is particularly true if you want to avoid having an extramarital affair.
Since people generally have an extramarital affair when they find that something is missing in their marriage, it is in part your job as the spouse to find out where the lack is. We’re not pointing fingers or assigning blame in any way. There are two people in this marriage and both parties need to figure out how to fix the problems that they have within their marriage. Here are a couple things that you don’t want to do, however, if you want to keep your marriage strong and intact:
As we said before, there are two people who are a part of this relationship and however you may feel the blame should be assigned, you need to not come at your spouse with all the faults that you think they have. Blaming one party for the breakdown of a marriage is counter-productive and will often end up in the further alienation of your spouse. So whatever your feelings on the matter, it’s better to have a good conversation about it and perhaps try to start fresh if you can. Starting anew will help to leave both of you feeling like you have a clean slate and that you can move forward without the burdens of the past.
We couldn’t resist the Lion King quote there, but you need to understand that the past is the past. Yes, it helps to shape who we are as people, but letting yourself be dominated by the past is going to get in the way of your enjoyment of present events. Even more importantly, it will get in the way of your ability to objectively look at the issues that you are currently facing. Even if you don’t like the idea, would an extramarital affair be helpful to your marriage or would you prefer to go to couple’s counselling? There is a wealth of ways to attempt to save a marriage that has been broken and you have to look at each of them as objectively as possible.
It can be so easy to feel separated and disconnected when your marriage isn’t going the way that you had hoped it would. You have to remember that you’re in this together and make sure that what you’re doing is good for you and for your spouse. If, for example, having an affair makes you a better father and a more attentive husband then you’re able to weigh the pros and cons of having an affair before stepping into it. Remember that you’re in this together and that if you’re both actively working to solve the problems and the division between you, you’ll be much happier in the long run.