Relationships are a tricky thing and there isn’t much in the way of information when it comes to how you will feel after ending an affair. You might have once had a very good idea of why you didn’t want to be with your affair partner any longer and why the relationship had to end, but then you’re having these weird thoughts afterward. Memories of your affair partner or thoughts of all the good times you had with them before. It might even cross your mind to look up that affair partner again so that the two of you can reconnect. Surely the reasons that you ended the affair in the first place must have changed, right?
For the reasons that you ended the affair to have changed, something drastic must have happened.
Generally, people don’t change so quickly and while you may have to deal with conflicting or seemingly irrational feelings about your former affair partner, it is better to leave them be.
If you’re still not sure, check out the ways to get over lingering feelings for past relationships below.
1) The most important thing when it comes to these irrational feelings is to not listen to them. Remind yourself that these feelings are only temporary and that you ended the affair for a reason. If this doesn’t work, you might want to think about how your affair partner might feel about reconnecting. If you were the one who ended the affair, then it is unlikely that they would welcome the chance again.
2) Let yourself slow down by taking a break from your routine or some of the deadlines that you hold yourself to. It’s normal to miss someone you were with (even if it was only for a brief period of time). The human mind is designed to make connections with people, but you have to recognize that you have other people in your life as well. Affair partners may come and go, but you have a solid network of friends and others who would be more than willing to spend time with you.
3) There’s nothing that’s going to stop daydreams from coming to mind, but you can at least stop them from continuing. Allowing yourself to daydream about the times that you had with your affair partner or former lover might seem like they’re harmless, but they can lead you into bad habits. It’s normal to think about how good things were rather than how bad things were. Resist the urge to do anything of the sort as daydreaming about a past lover can not only blind you to future possibilities, but also leave you stuck in the emotional rut that you were trying to avoid by having an affair in the first place.
4) Break up with more than just your affair partner, break up with your routine. We’re not saying that you should overhaul your routine completely, but even a small shake up will help you in the long run. We get too set in our routines and our patterns, so looking for something slightly different will allow us to keep our lives from becoming dull. If your old affair partner was entrenched in a certain routine, break that routine or change it so that something is different about it. You’d be surprised how much of a difference that makes.