There are some movies that we really just can’t wait to see. You know, like Anchorman 2. We’re so psyched to see Ron Burgundy and his A team of reporters get into their mischief again that we decided to put together an affair guide for all you classy people who like good scotch with their news. This is your five tips to have a successful affair, Ron Burgundy style.
When someone does something amazing or even if you just think they could use a pick me up. Give compliments. Ladies love compliments. Men do too. In fact, we gave a compliment to a man on the street just before we wrote this article and boy, was she surprised. Thinking about it, we probably shouldn’t have phrased it as “That car doesn’t make it seem like you have a small penis at all”, so don’t make the same mistakes we did. Your compliments should be heartfelt and thoughtful or else they'll just ring false.
Who’s a sexy person? You’re a sexy person. Don’t let those naysayers get you down when you know there’s a tiger hiding inside of you. Own it. Have a mustache? Rock that mustache. Do you have purple highlights in your hair? Well… that’s eye-catching, but… Oh heck, who cares? You become the queen or king of purple highlights. People who are more confident tend to get more attention from other people naturally simply for the air that they give off and this is especially true in affairs. Make sure that you’re being more of a Burgundy though and less like Brick.
Even though confidence is the key to all things you should know when you’re in over your head. Maybe you told your affair partner that you were completely fine with blood play and didn’t know exactly what it was. It had to be nice, right? It has play in it! But then the knives came out and you realized just how royally screwed you are. Being able to admit that you’re wrong and not being stubborn in situations is going to help you in the long run. No one’s perfect and we all know that. Now, don’t be one of those douches who always has to be right.
Oh god, oh god. There are so many feelings you think that you might just burst from all of them into little sparkly pieces. Maybe they’re happy pieces that are going to ride unicorns off into the sunset with your affair partner or maybe they’re tiny little crying fragments of your soul. Either way it’s fine. Just breathe. You’ll be okay and we’ll be okay. Emotions are good and even if it means that you’re having an emotional attachment to your affair partner, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just don’t freak out. Find your panic room and breathe into a paper bag. It’s cool. We’re cool. Breathe.
If you’ve done something that you feel good about, celebrate it. If you’ve done something that you feel bad about, minimize it. People toss out positive thinking like it’s the cure to everything and while we don’t subscribe to that notion, we’re all for giving yourself a pat on the back to make sure that you’re feeling hale and hearty. If you’ve had a great affair or closed a fantastic deal at work or even just got to work without hitting a single red light, treat yourself to a coffee or some alcohol or whatever you feel your achievement deserves. Humility is all well and good, but give yourself a cheer once in a while.