People seem to think that extramarital relationships are on a completely different scale than what are considered to be average relationships when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Extramarital relationships often suffer from similar problems to conventional ones. So here are the things to keep in mind when you are looking for a longer term affair rather than a quick hook up.
Real beauty is on the Inside. Yes, yes, you can’t judge a book by its cover and you shouldn’t base your attraction to a person on their physical attributes. The problem with that is it is human nature to do so. Constantly. We are always checking out people whether we mean to or not and there is little that we can do to stop it. We can, however, not base a relationship on physical attraction alone. The affairs which are started because of physical attraction rather than a solid mental attraction tend to fizzle out very quickly.
Attention is hard to come by. Let’s face it. There is a good chance that if you’re having an affair with someone that you’re not the only person they’re spending their nights with. Whether it’s another affair partner or your spouse, getting the attention you want from a single affair can be hard to come by. This is particularly true if you are expecting the affair to make up for all the things that you are lacking in your marriage without explaining that to your affair partner. Sometimes a small talk can help smooth over these bumps, but if your affair partner’s mind is consistently elsewhere then you might want to try your luck elsewhere.
A lack of quality time. There is a distinct lack of quality time when it comes to affairs, particularly because of the need to be discreet. The widespread use of mobile smartphones is helping to ease this problem since it makes it possible to communicate discreetly at all times of the day. There is no substitute for meeting face to face, however, and unless your spouse is someone who is constantly working or away you might have trouble finding those moments where you can just be alone with your affair partner.
Distances can be bridged. This is a tricky one, but a problem which is common today in both adulterous and more conventional relationships. The distance is difficult to surmount, particularly when you are attempting to be discreet about your affair. There’s an old saying which states that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but this is only true to a point. You have to stay in that sweet spot with distance so you’ll keep wanting and longing for each other. If you let the distance stretch out too far or communicate too little with your affair partner you’re just going to end up with a huge load of discontent rather than a fond heart.
Let’s get it on. Sex is something which is needed for most relationships. While there are some people who do not need sex, the majority of us do in some way or another. So keep the sex coming and don’t forget to keep it fresh. We’re not saying that you need to go invest in some expensive sex toys (although you can if you’d like), but the missionary position with little to no variation just won’t do it for most people. Our feelings of lust and affection culminate sex, so it’s not something that you would want to ignore and often the lack of sex along with the intimacy that it brings is what drives couples apart in the first place.
That little green-eyed monster. Before we see any eye-rolling from people who are convinced that adultery is the gravest sin and that people should still be stoned for it, jealousy is a widespread problem that isn’t just restricted to conventional relationships. It’s not even restricted to relationships as a whole. We are all afflicted by jealousy of celebrities, of our friends, our co-workers and when you look at the jealousies (both major and minor) that you experience each week the relationship jealousies seem pettier. This doesn’t make them any less dramatic though and you should set clear guidelines from the beginning of the relationship with your affair partner in order to ensure that you are both on the same page.
Just a little communication. We’ve mentioned communication many times before, but it is essential. The majority of misunderstandings within relationships happen because of communication errors or couples not understanding each other. The more you talk, the more you are able to foster an understanding between you and your affair partner. If nothing else then guidelines for the affair need to be set in place so no one’s expectations are disappointed. A little bit of communication prior to starting an affair will help save you a lot of grief later on down the road.