You've heard Aretha sing it, you've heard women of all ages, races and denominations calling for it. Respect! Bring it, baby. There are so many men who are rolling their eyes right now. I can see it through the screen and before you click away, I need to ask you have you ever heard of Game Theory? It's that economic model that was made famous (to the general population) through the movie A Beautiful Mind. Yes, that movie and I'm about to bastardize that theory right now, but if you want to get what you want you need to start changing the way that you approach things.
Right now, the dating world is set up so that it's seen as a competition. Some people have even brought Darwin-ism into it and say that it's survival of the fittest, the alpha male is the one who will take it all and in order to be the best of the pack then you need to be that dominant, self-assured male. Wrong. Or at the very least, wrong because people seem to read that and then think that means they need to be assholes.
Women aren't stupid and men aren't cave men. We need to let go of these old tropes that are always dominating the dating scene and part of that is cutting down on the whining that women hear from men about having to be the one who pays. First thing, you need to blame the system and not the women who are a part of it. It's a free dating market and until the system changes so that there aren't those expectations, it makes sense to go for the free meal. Not all women do it and not all women expect it, but this is a problem that is inherent in the dating system rather than something that all women are guilty of.
Secondly, if you're suggesting that your affair partner go somewhere with you then you should be willing to pay for it. There's a lack of communication that's going on in the modern world and if you're really so uncomfortable with paying then talk to the women about it.
Just please, don't whine about gender inequality to women. Nothing is more of a turn off and it's a heavy topic for someone you're trying to have an affair with. There are a lot of problems with gender inequality and they all need to be looked at it, but men feeling like they have to pay for dates is not even close to the most pressing of them. We've talked about staying away from politics when it comes to dating and gender politics is included in that. Unless you're looking to spend the rest of your life with this affair partner, their thoughts on the current government or the state of feminism in the world doesn't matter so much. You're both there to have a good time, so let's not ruin it with heavy handed opinions that neither of you asked for.
When you're whining about the things that women do, you need to stop and take a good long look at your own actions. Why? Because the reason that they're doing these things is often systemic. It's also the reason why men do the things that they do. Give people more respect than you would normally, think less about what you want and more about what they want and consider your own biases when trying to understand someone's situation and you're not going to end up being a doormat for everyone to walk over like the world tells you that you will.
Instead you're going to be a well-rounded and thoughtful person who draws people to them simply by how well you understand. People aren't attracted to the hyperbolic and judgmental when it comes to people they're dating or sleeping with. People don't go out looking for assholes to have their extramarital affairs with generally. So rather than trying to be a nice guy or some other trope that you think women are looking for, why not try to be a good person instead?