When it comes to marriage, you should never feel trapped by it or at the very least, not feel trapped consciously by it. There are the old jokes about your spouse being the ball and chain, but why should that be? We think that marriage is something that should be celebrated and that even though some of the freshness of your romantic feelings are going to fade into the ether once you’re seeing the same person every day, you should still be interested in your spouse. Marriage shouldn’t be a jail sentence is what we’re saying.
Now everyone has their limit or what they think is reasonable when it comes to marriage so you just need to make sure that you’re not starting to think yourself into a corner. Thinking that the feeling will pass, that your boredom and that feeling of being trapped will go away won’t. These feelings only tend to grow so you should nip them in the bud. There are many ways to go about this and we won’t list them all here, but there’s couples counselling, open communication and of course, affairs.
You just need to make sure that you’re not feeling like you’re wasting your time by being married. After all, the last thing that you want to do is look back on your life and feel like you have a lot of regrets. Have you ever been stuck in a dead end job that was soul-wrenchingly boring? If your marriage feels like that then you’ve got issues that you need to look into. The problem with marriages and the reason that so many of them are breaking down today (monogamy issues aside) is that people aren’t as proactive as they could be about saving them.
We all have this tendency to dismiss things that are happening as something that could possibly be a fleeting feeling. We all want to believe that when things get better that they’ll stay better without us having to work at it and this is just not the case. Whether it’s an affair that would be best for you, we can’t say. Affairs are great for many people and a lot of people have found their balance thanks to an extramarital affair. That doesn’t mean that they’re for everyone, however.
If you’re happy in your marriage, then there’s absolutely no reason for you to have an affair unless you both decide that you want to have an open relationship. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, but want to try different options before resorting to an affair then all the power to you and we wish you all the best.
But if things aren’t going well in your marriage there are a couple things that you need to look at.
1) Detect the root of the problem
We don’t mean the symptoms either. Frustration, for example, is a symptom. But why are you frustrated? Get used to taking a deeper look at the issues that you’re having.
2) Talk to your spouse about the issues that you are having.
We tend to advocate communication first whether it’s between you and a spouse or you and an affair partner. Maybe talking together you’ll be able to find a way out of this without needing to seek outside help.
3) Be proactive and keep working toward a solution.
This isn’t something that is magically going to fix itself nor is it something that you can work hard on for a month before giving up. Marriage as it stands today is supposed to be a lifetime commitment (mostly), so if you’re going to stay in your marriage then you’d best understand that you’re going to be constantly working on your solution. It will become easier after awhile, but it’s not something that you can pick up and put down.