Any runner or athlete will tell you that it’s important to pace yourself, but you need to keep up the momentum. Once you lose your momentum, let yourself get tired or fall into a rut your performance is going to fall and no one wants that. The same holds true for affairs. Once an affair loses its forward drive and its spark, it’s time to move on. Otherwise you’ll be trapped into a relationship which is often similar to the one that you had an affair to escape from.
Fortunately, many affairs are the equivalent of fuck buddy relationships and as such, they’re easier to end. But for those ones that have an emotional attachment, ending affairs can be a little trickier. You’ve had some good times and don’t want to just throw away the person that you had an affair with even though the feelings just aren’t there anymore.
Momentum is the key and once that lags it will be hard to bring your extramarital affair back to what it once was, but if you’re going to end an affair which had a strong emotional component then there are some things that you need to ask yourself. The first of these things is whether or not you want to keep in contact with your affair partner as a friend even though the sexual element is gone. Most of the time when we are asked about this situation, we tend to say that to it’s better to err on the side of caution and cut off contact completely. When you keep around someone you have a sexual history with, things get complicated.
If you’re dead set on being friends then you’re welcome to try, but know that it can be hard to shift gears from extramarital affair partner to friend and as such, you’re going to want to make sure that there are ground rules set from the get go.
Now if you’ve decided that you’re going to let your affair partner go and you’ve become close with them then you should probably talk about it with them prior to doing it.
Don’t mention that there’s a lack of momentum or put any blame on your affair partner. Instead, talk about how you’re just not feeling it any longer and that you feel that it would be better if you moved on. If you want to be good about this, it would be better to not do this after sex (however tempting that may be) since that would be a blow to anyone’s ego.
Now there are two ways you can wind the affair down. You can either end it abruptly or the two of you can have a couple more outings in order to enjoy each other’s company before you part ways. Which of these you choose is completely dependent on your own feelings on the matter and your affair partner’s reaction to what you’re saying.
Familiarity breeds contempt, so if you’re starting to get annoyed with what your affair partner does then it would be better to end things quickly so that you can complete the affair on a positive note.
If you’re not feeling that way and it’s just your sexual interest that has waned, then you can schedule a final outing with your affair partner so that you can put an end to the affair properly. Keep in mind that this is only advised if the two of you have been an emotional support for each other. Otherwise we’d suggest just breaking things off cleanly like you would with any fuck buddy.
You’re going to want to keep your final date casual. This isn’t to say that you’re unable to dress up and go out with your affair partner to some place that’s high class and nice. When we talk about a casual final outing, we’re talking about keeping the emotions casual and not putting too much into your expectations. This is basically a long goodbye so just go with the flow and keep an eye on what your affair partner would want. Since you’re the one ending the affair, it’s up to you to gauge the mood of your outing.
Then you can get on with dealing with the end of your affair.