Ashley Moments Official Ashley Madison Blog | How To Understand One Night Stands
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understanding-one-night-stands

How To Understand One Night Stands

When it comes to one night stands, people’s reactions are mixed bag. After all, there are many people who would celebrate one night stands as part of the freedom that came from the sexual revolution, while others see them as the downfall of our society or harmful to those who participate in them. While there are ups and downs to any sexual interaction, polarizing them as either amazing or awful does a disservice. To try and categorize one night stands at all can be messy since they exist on a complicated spectrum. It can be hard to break something like that down to either black or white, right or wrong.

The key to one night stands and casual sex is to have a good sense of yourself before you start looking for anything. Often the reason that we get hurt or that we feel like our expectations haven’t been met is because we don’t understand what we’re looking for beforehand. Maybe you think you’re looking for a quick hookup or one night stand, but you need an emotional connection that you didn’t even realize you wanted.

Sometimes, it’s not until we notice that something’s missing that we become aware of how important that it is. So if you’re going to have a one night stand or casual affair for the first time, you want to make sure that you’re in the right mindset. If you’re looking for some kind of emotional connection, then you have to make sure you state that from the beginning. Let people know that you want some conversation and not a traditional one night stand. Most people who have one night stands aren’t assholes. We’ve all heard of the story of someone who was a jerk, but generally, any slights are unintentional. Communication is key.

If you want to have a one night stand and be happy about it, sometimes you need to think past the sex. It can be easy for us, especially when it comes to casual dating, to think that is all we need, but that human connection can’t be underwritten. Without the right mindset, one night stands can become almost depressing—fulfilling one need, but not quite making the grade. Really examine what you’re looking for in your life.

Is it just sex? Then a one night stand is for you.

If you’re looking for a rush of emotion or feeling, that “spark” as it is so often called, then you’ll probably be happier with something more connected. It doesn’t mean that you need to see the person more than once, but you might be looking to develop more of a connection with someone before you sleep with them.

One night stands can be hard to characterize. You can have a one night stand with someone you’ve known forever or someone you’ve known for five minutes, you just need to be sure of how well you need to know a person before you feel comfortable. Comfort and a lack of deep attachment are both key to having a successful one night stand.

Partners are important as well, but the signs that you need to look for are different. The basic rule is that if you feel comfortable with the person you’re with and feel 100% good about your one night stand before you have it, you’re likely to feel the same afterward. There are variables, of course, but as a general rule, this is pretty solid.

2 Comments
  • niceguy
    Posted at 14:25h, 25 July Reply

    “The basic rule is that if you feel comfortable with the person you’re with and feel 100% good about your affair or one night stand before you have it, you’re likely to feel the same afterward.” This was totally the case with my last date. When we first started texting back & forth I didn’t have a great feeling about it like I had with my previous dates. We met for drinks & when I suggested that we go to a hotel she put up a little resistance, even though her profile specifically stated that she was looking for the sex & attention that she wasn’t getting from her husband, which was also what I was looking for. When we finally got to the hotel I satisfied her twice & she barely touched me. I didn’t say anything because I liked her as a person & I didn’t want the date to end badly. Maybe I was wrong about that, but it is what it is. I suppose I’m looking for at least a little romance as well as sex, but I’m guessing most everyone else is as well.

    • Mariam
      Posted at 22:14h, 22 August Reply

      This is a good basic rule. How did she get over the resistance? Maybe she wasn’t into it or you.

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