Even though people who cheat are in a different boat than people who are trolling for dates when they’re single are in different boats, there are some questions that remain the same no matter what type of dating you’re indulging in. Many men and women are probably thinking the same thing while they eat their first-date appetizers. They want to know how far they’re going to go after the date and whether or not they should put out (particularly in the case of women) on the first date.
Now putting out on a first date isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with one night stands or NSA relationships as long as that’s what you want. If you’re looking for a one time go with an affair partner, then by all means have at it, but if there is something else that you’re looking for such as a longer term sex friend… Then it would be better to not put out on the first date. A recent study done by Mark Regnerus, associate professor of sociology from the University of Texas found that about one in five young American men will have sex on a first date. There is a growing culture shift which says that sex on a date (which used to be the mark of sluttiness) is more permissible.
Yet while these perceptions of what you should and shouldn’t do in terms of sex are changing, so too do the ways that we think about sex on a first date. The rules used to be that if you had sex on the first date that you would have seemed too eager. For some, even kissing on the first date would be going too far or seeming too eager. Now though, there’s no real need to hide that sex is something both partners would want. We’ve moved forward enough as a society and are open enough with our talk of sex to know that there’s nothing wrong with wanting a sexual connection with your partner.
This is even more true when it comes to affairs. There is an assumption that both of you are after sex, but there needs to be an understanding of what kind of affair you’re looking for. Since affairs (despite their social stigma) are relationships as well, there needs to be an understanding of what you both want from it. There are people who are looking for longer affairs because rather than sex, they need an intimate relationship with someone which extends into the emotional realm. There are others who are looking for quick sex with their affair partners. If you are able to explain what you’re looking for before you even meet with your affair partner for a date then things will go much smoother.
Well, it depends on what you’re looking for as we said before. Something to keep in mind though is that once someone has slept with you, particularly if you sleep together the first time you meet, the more likely it is that you’re going to find them less attractive in the long run. It’s also been found that people who are looking for one night stands routinely tend to be slightly more depressed than the average person. This is understandable if you’re going through a rough marriage or have been denied sex for so long you’re not sure if your parts still work, but it’s still something to keep in the back of your thoughts.
If you’re looking for a longer term affair, then you need to put off on sleeping with someone on the first date. Getting to know you, getting to want and desire you will help you solidify your attraction to someone (and their attraction to you) prior to having sex.
So when it comes down to it, there is no tricky formula or social minefield that you need to walk in order to figure out whether or not you should have sex with someone on the first date.
Just figure out what both of you are looking for in terms of an affair and you’ll skip the minefield altogether with both of you having an idea of where this date is headed. If there’s no chemistry, you can call it quits with no hard feelings, but if there is and you’re both looking for something quick, you’ll have a nice date without all the worrying that would normally be running through the back of your mind and a romp in the sack to top it all off.