24 Jul Summer Lovin’: Why and How You Can Heat Your Sex Life Up This Summer
Have you ever wanted to try being someone else behind closed doors? Have you ever wanted to explore your sexual fantasies in role play – like being a school teacher, a robber, or a police officer? Have you ever dreamed of changing up the power dynamics within your relationship?
The summer of 2019 might be the perfect time to explore these bedroom adventures, but maybe not with your spouse. We looked at data for the year of 2017 and found that the peak month for female signups to Ashley Madison came in the month of July. With more thousands of members joining daily, there is no better time than now to seek the perfect partner to explore all of your favorite sexual fantasies.
Married women are signing up and finding a married man who will allow them to find their sexual personality; a personality that has either gone unexplored or has been hidden for too long in a stale sexless marriage. According to a survey of more than 2700 members of Ashley Madison, 67% of females say they have more sex after joining the married-dating site. Why? They’re exploring their wild side of course!
When asked, 42% of male and female respondents say when in bed with their spouse they’re more reserved and describe themselves as traditional. However, with their extra-marital partner they let loose as 53% describe themselves as playful, with 40% saying they’re wild in bed.
So, you may be asking yourself, how can I be more adventurous in the bedroom? We’re here to tell you that there’s an option and it’s more common than you might think.
One word: Kink.
Kink is a completely normal part of a healthy sex life especially for long term couples and provides numerous positive benefits to your relationship that will strengthen your connection with your partner, eliminate stress, and ultimately add some spice to your day-to-day life.
So, what qualifies as kink?
At its core, kink is an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sexual activities that are considered to be unconventional. Often time BDSM is one of the first things that springs to mind when someone hears the word kink. But BDSM is not the only kinky practice out there. Sexual acts like spanking, participating in orgies, swinging and role-playing are all considered to be kinky, as are some unusual sex positions or usage of sex toys.
Why do it?
There is something thrilling about enacting a secret fantasy with a trusted lover: there’s a release of stress, a liberation from judgement and guilt, there’s a feeling of being able to be seen fully as one’s self or of “leaving your ego at the door,” and a rush of endorphins that can result in temporary euphoria.
So, maybe it’s time to stray – stray away from the typical vanilla sex you’re used to.
Benefits of exploring kink in your relationship
- Kink improves communication
The ability to communicate is an important part of a successful relationship. Couples who practice BDSM tend to be stronger at communication with one another compared to non-kinky couples. This is because they are likely more aware and communicative about their sexual desires and they know the importance of having a discussion.
For many couples, discussions about their own sexuality occur as a result of existing problems which could lead to other issues in the relationship. The discussion is reactive rather than proactive. To successfully incorporate BDSM into the relationship, couples will need to rely on a proactive discussion about sexual preferences, talking about what they like and don’t like, establishing safe words for when they feel uncomfortable. Couples need to establish their own kind of sexual contract in order to introduce this type of play into their bedrooms.
- Kink increases intimacy
One benefit will lead to another. In BDSM, the level of trust needs to be high, especially when it comes to having your partner blindfold you and tie you up. This level of trust and communication can lead to increased intimacy outside of the bedroom and a stronger connection on an emotional level with each other, according to Patricia Johnson, award-winning co-author of Partners in Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy, and Long-term Love. 
- Kink encourages fidelity
Exploring these types of desires or curiosities in the bedroom with your partner is a good first step to better understanding each other and will build a more comfortable space for further exploration. This is something that many people will stray outside of the relationship to look for, especially when they don’t feel comfortable to talk about it with their spouse.
- Kink strengthens your mental health
A 2013 study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who practiced BDSM scored better on certain mental health indicators than those who had vanilla sex. Participants who engage in BDSM showed more security in their relationships and a better overall well-being.
- Kink reduces psychological stress
The ability to let go of judgement, expectations, and anxiety in sexual environments will allow you to feel more secure and free in other areas of your life. Revealed in a 2009 study published in the journal of Archives of Sexual Behavior, the feeling of relief and allowing your mind to wander elsewhere pushes any stress you have to the side, ideally ending in a euphoric feeling of satisfaction.
So, you might now be wondering, “how do I get involved? Where do I start?”. Here are some tips for beginners who might be considering adding some kink to their sex life.
Keep an open mind
Some people have rigid thoughts about sexuality and this puts limitations on their relationship. Sexual arousal doesn’t have to be the same every time nor does it have to be the same for both or all people involved. Do what feels right for you, and when you’re at a comfort level that allows you to step outside of your boundaries, give it a try, just make sure you’re with a consenting partner that knows your boundaries.
Be willing to compromise
Talk about the different things each of you enjoy, sexually. Envision yourself in that role and determine whether you will like it or not. You may just find something unexpected that your partner enjoys and it turns you on.
Explore each other
Take it slow. Start with adding one thing new to the mix and go from there. Maybe start by adding some lingerie or blindfolds and the next time bring some sex toys in. Who knows, it might escalate quickly in a mutually consensual way!
So, whether you’re already incorporating kink into your sex life or you’re contemplating the reasons why you should, there are plenty of benefits to spicing things up. Besides, what doesn’t sound fun about letting your partner tie you to the bed and have their way with you?
Related: 7 Tips For Your Fantasy Role Play
About Ashley Madison
AshleyMadison.com is the original online destination for cheating, infidelity, and adultery. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier married dating website for people seeking extramarital affairs. Whether you’re in a sexless marriage or an open relationship, you can download one of the affair apps anytime!