Women Are Happier in Affairs, Study Finds

Life happens.

Sometimes people live unhappily for many years. It’s the prospect of things getting better that keep people in the relationship. Or sometimes it’s the fear of breaking up the family or starting over. But it doesn’t always get better on its own.

It takes work.

Sometimes it takes more work than people are physically and emotionally capable of.

That’s what happened for Brandy. She worked in the Air Force, taking tours overseas in Germany and various placements across the country. By the age of 30, she retired from the military after having her second child.

“We had to move home,” Brandy tells a journalist from Marie Claire. “My husband really resented that, and we were already on the road to divorce. Our sex life was never very good, and he was uncomfortable talking about sex or doing it.”

Similar to many other people that experience a marital life that turned in a direction that they never expected it to, Brandy eventually found Ashley Madison.

Brandy’s story, although unique in its own way, isn’t much different than many other women who choose to use our site to find an extra-marital relationship. Brandy’s infidelity allowed her to stay in her marriage longer, which was something that was a priority for her, all the while getting the sexual connection she craved. It made her happy.

You’re Not Alone 

With divorce sitting between 40-50% in the US[1], marital happiness becomes the topic of choice for Alicia Walker, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at Missouri State University. Her study looked at those who are married and seeking extra-marital sexual encounters to investigate the factors which influence the individual’s overall perception of life satisfaction before, during, and after their extramarital affairs.

The finding of Alicia’s study is extremely telling of how married men and women subjectively experience an extra-marital relationship.

Alicia Walker’s study found that while affairs do tend to make respondents happy, a number of factors influence perception to life satisfaction during an affair.[2]

Factors include[3]:

  1. The belief that an outside partner is required to remain in a primary relationship.
  2. A desire to remain in the primary relationship
  3. At least biweekly sexual events with an outside partner
  4. A belief that the individual loves their outside partner
  5. Seeking out the partnership due to sexual dissatisfaction within the primary relationship.

Arguably the most intriguing finding of Alicia’s study is that even after the outside partnership ends, respondents reported a higher life satisfaction rating than before the outside partnership.

What? Infidelity leads to happiness? Couldn’t be.

Well, it’s true. It’s science.

Positive Change in Sex Life for Cheaters

Affairs aren’t always about replacing something or someone. In fact, more than half of females (52%) and males (56%) say they continue to have sex with their spouse while still engaging in extra-marital affairs.

So where is the value in cheating and how can infidelity help? Almost three-quarters (72%) of females say their overall attitude has become more positive since engaging in extra-marital affairs with a further 59% saying their spouse has noticed their positive change. This is compared to 68% of males who say their attitude has become more positive with 52% saying their spouse has noticed.

What Fulfillment Looks Like

Our members have told us what it is they like about having affairs that then allows them to return to their marriage and their household unit as a happier more satisfied partner. Not surprisingly, for the majority, it came down to the fact their sexual needs were met (76%). For others, it made them feel more alive (51%), they felt desired (48%), their emotional needs were met (37%), and they regained their confidence (29%).

How to maximize your affair

If you’re making the choice to step outside of your marriage to find something that you’re missing in your life, you’ll want to ensure you get the best possible result. After all, it’s a risk to choose infidelity especially if protecting your partner from hurting is a priority for you

Here are some tips when seeking an extra-marital affair to ensure you maximize the result in the most positive way possible.

  1. Identify what you’re missing

If you can understand what it is that is lacking in your marriage or life, you will be able to better judge if stepping out of the marriage is the right course of action for you. Sometimes it’s a simple as a conversation with your partner that will help alleviate some of the difficulties you’re facing. But for many people, those conversations happen time and time again with no result. If you feel you’re stuck in your marriage and your spouse isn’t even attempting to work on making your relationship better, then maybe other measures are needed and seeking the comfort of someone else is what will help.

  1. Identify what you’re looking for

When you know what you’re missing, you can figure out exactly what it is you need and how you can take action to get it. If you engage in an extra-marital relationship and just kind of go whichever way the wind blows, you likely won’t find what you’re looking for and all you’ve done is risk your primary relationship, especially if you’re partner doesn’t know about your engagements with other people. Whether it’s sex, someone to talk to, someone to make you feel desired and special, or even just someone to chat with online, make sure you know what you’re looking for so that you can get the best result.

  1. Be upfront about what you’re looking for

When creating an online dating profile, be sure to make it clear what you’re looking for, and who you’re looking for that with. This will help you streamline your efforts to ideally find what you’re looking for as soon as possible. It will also allow you to by-pass all the unwanted conversations with people who just aren’t quite there for the same reasons you are.

  1. Manage expectations

Be sure to manage expectations with your extra-marital partner as well as your own expectations. If you’re looking for something short-term, let them know that the relationship you may have established with them won’t be on-going. This will help you cut ties with people that you’re not looking to have lingering in your life. If you’re hoping to return to your marriage after an engagement with someone else, be sure to let them know that maybe you don’t want any contact during certain hours or days, this will help ensure optimal discretion.

So, when it comes to cheating, is the risk is worth the reward? If the reward means being happy again, then it seems like the answer is yes.

 

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original married dating destination. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for polyamory,  open relationships, and surviving a sexless marriage.

[1] http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/

[2] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-018-9545-z

[3] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-018-9545-z

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