7 Tips for Your Fantasy Role Play

As Halloween approaches, Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website, surveyed its members* to find out whether they use Halloween as a chance to spend time with their spouse or turn a trick for a treat. According to the data, more than half (55%) of members who are either married or in a long-term relationship are planning to use Halloween as a chance to find someone new.

Shopping for a costume this Halloween may not be as innocent as it seems. For some people, when looking for that perfect costume it takes some consulting with their spouse beforehand. But these intentions for a costume idea, a potentially sexy outfit, might actually be to impress someone else.

Confessing to playing dress up

Dressing up in a favorite costume allows people to play out their fantasies with their assumed alter egos in the form of their own affair-y tale. Considering that 48% say that they want to engage in some role play with an extramarital partner, this game of dress up on Halloween comes with ulterior motives. Compare this to the 26% who say they don’t use role play with their spouse but are willing to try, we can see that more people are open to sexual exploration with someone new rather than with their spouse, and Halloween acts as a conduit to bring that to life.

“Our members have told us that they believe incorporating things like sex toys and role play would have a positive impact on their relationship with their spouse. But if their spouse is not willing to experiment, they will find someone else that is,” says Paul Keable, Vice President of Communications at Ashley Madison. “Halloween acts as a time when people can fulfill those fantasies they’ve been seeking and create their own affair-y tale.”

So, what exactly is role play you might be asking? For those who don’t know, it’s basically a game of seduction where you and your partner enact different characters, dress up and make sexual advances at each other. Most of the time, sex just happens without any preparation or planning, and it can feel routine and boring. With sexual role play, this doesn’t happen because the whole point is to be part of an act that will eventually end with sex.

The whole time you’re thinking about nothing but sex, and getting more and more aroused thinking about it. For some ideas to get you started, check out this list of role play ideas.

In light of these members and their hopes to engage in more role play with their extramarital partner, Ashley Madison asked its members to identify their favorite costume. For males, the top choice is to dress up as a pirate (19%), while females say their top choice is to dress up as a police officer (15%). Perhaps females really are more frequently taking charge of their sexual desires and bringing some authority into their sex life with their choice of costume, bringing their fantasies to life by putting these lawless pirates in their place between the sheets.

Top 5 Costumes for Males

Pirate – 19%

Superhero – 15%

Gladiator – 11%

Medical Professional – 9%

Vampire – 8%

Top 5 Costumes for Females

Police Officer – 15%

Greek Goddess – 14%

Superhero – 13%

Fire Fighter – 12%

Pirate – 11%

For those who are looking to try some role playing but don’t know what to do, Ashley Madison is here to help. Here are 7 tips to help you and your secret – or not so secret – lover spice things up in the bedroom.

1. Figure out your fantasy

You need to ask yourself what really turns you on. You don’t need to get hung up on how at this point, just figure out what it is that gets you hot. This could relate to a previous experience you had or a moment that you thought you surprisingly liked. If you can’t figure it out, do some research – look at picture, go to your favorite porn site or see what google has to say. Here is a list of some common fantasies that might spark your creative thinking.

2. Talk about it!

Now it’s time for you to talk about it with your partner, whether it’s your spouse or your extramarital partner. That might seem easier said than done but chances are they’re likely going to get turned on by you talking about what turns you on and the things you want them to do with you and to you.

You might be thinking – what if my partner thinks that they need them to take on a different persona in order for me to get turned on with them? Easy. Talk about your fantasy in a way that involves them. For example, “I had this really hot dream about you last night. You were a professor and I was your student…” If you include them in your fantasy it’s more likely they will be interested. You also make it clear that your fantasy is just that, a fantasy.

3. Establish some boundaries

In most role play scenarios; one person is dominant and the another is the dominated. The person in the submissive role has the real power. Be sure to decide who is going to play what role and what activities are allowed and which are off limits. Maybe you decide to create a safe word to let your partner know they’ve gone too far. But to be safe, it’s a good idea to discuss these boundaries before finding yourself in full character.

4. Prepare the scene

Role play doesn’t necessarily require a wardrobe and props. But if you want to get fully submerged in the role, it’s not a bad idea to set the scene for your favorite fantasy. You want to make it as real as possible, right? Some key props will go a long way.

5. Consider the conversation foreplay

The main idea of doing some role play is to end with sex. So, make sure to use the lead up conversation or scenario as foreplay, being playful in anticipation. Even when you are originally discussing this with your partner, you might be surprised how excited you get thinking about bringing this fantasy to life and enacting your favorite affair-y tale.

6. Approach it as an experiment

This is a chance to have some fun and get to know not only yourself better but also your partner. Allow for some laughs, allow for some mistakes, and don’t invest too much in making it all about the BEST sex ever, you might set yourself up for disappointment. Just relax and have fun.

7. Debrief afterwards

An important part of role play is communication. When it’s over, talk with your partner about what worked and what didn’t. You both may have realized new things that you like that you may not have known about before and also things that you don’t like that you might have thought you did. All in all, this conversation will likely make it better for the next time.

* Survey of 2,495 members between September 18, 2017- October 11, 2017

*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002