Have you ever noticed how nice people are when they’re working? There are a few exceptions of course, but they smile more easily and respond better to your comments than they would when you’re at a bar. You might, thinking about things this way, decide that hitting on someone while they’re at work would be the best way to go about finding a date. Who could blame you after all? That woman was so kind when she rang up your order and you felt like you were getting all the right signals. The guy was so friendly when he helped you find just the right wine to go with your salmon.
So why did she shy away when you asked her for her number? Why didn’t he call when you slyly left your digits on your receipt?
You weren’t taking a key factor into consideration when you were working through your equation and that’s the fact that these people are at work.
It’s rare to have any kind of people-facing job that doesn’t involve some form of customer service or catering to the needs of a client. People who are friendly while at work may not be so friendly outside of it simply because they know who they need to be when they step out in front of people. This is especially true for any of us who work in retail or who are constantly dealing with customers face-to-face. Generally being pleasant and attentive to a customer works wonders to diffuse a situation that could have become nasty or even prevent it from happening in the first place.
This means that you could find yourself hitting on someone who is working, but does not want to be hit on for the following reasons:
1) Being hit on at work is awkward because there’s nowhere for the employee to go. They are paid to stand there and listen to your concerns and they need to stay where they are to assist other customers. So while you might think that the woman you’ve been hitting on is staying because she desperately wants to talk to you, it’s more likely that she’s being friendly because that’s a part of her job.
2) It puts the employee in the awkward position of either offending you or lying to you. Telling a girl that she’s pretty may be a compliment that she genuinely appreciates, but if you go beyond that she is either going to have to continue being friendly in order to spare your ego and the potential sale or risk offending you. There are people who will lodge complaints against an employee when they are offended (even if it’s because they were being inappropriate), so it’s necessary to be careful. This is true even if you’re talking to a customer support person on the phone. While it’s nice to be thanked for doing a good job, it becomes very awkward when you tell someone that their voice is sexy or ask if they’re married.
3) They’ve heard it all before. Think of all the people that someone who is in retail or customer service deals with on a regular basis. Out of them, some people are going to hit on the women they find attractive whether it’s inappropriate or not. So if you’re telling someone that they’re beautiful or that their voice is sexy, they’ve heard it before. Sure, the hottie with the beard who fixed your computer is a hero and you’d like to thank him for it, but think about how exhausting it is to have to be nice to strangers all day—and then have to kindly turn down their advances.
Just start a conversation instead. Don’t sexualize the conversation or talk about looks, as that can get creepy fast. There is a chance that some people will want to date you even if they met you in their workplace, but if this is the only time that you’re going to be seeing them or talking to them, we’d say give it a pass. You don’t know the person well enough to read any signals and rather than making their day, there’s a strong chance that you’ll end up making them feel uncomfortable.
Of course, you could always peruse Ashley Madison to find open-minded people who are looking for extramarital affairs that take their breath away.
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