02 Apr An In-Depth Look At Why People Cheat
If you’ve ever felt like you need to make a change but you just can’t find the motivation or confidence to make the first move, then you might just find what you need right here. CBS sat down with a couple of women who have found what they needed by outsourcing sex in their relationships to an extramarital partner.
You find someone who you believe is the love of your life, you get married, buy a home, and start a family. You’re living in an otherwise exceptional marriage, with financial stability, a loving family, and food on the table, but you haven’t had sex in months never mind an orgasm.
Maybe you and your partner have completely lost your ability to communicate and you’re unsure how to resolve the persisting issue. Maybe it’s not your spouse that can fulfill every area of your life, maybe you need to outsource those missing necessities. That’s where Ashley Madison comes in.
Infidelity is the last remaining sexual taboo. It’s something that remains legal in most of the world yet is typically frowned upon by the general public and considered immoral no matter what the circumstances.
“Ninety-three percent of Americans think that infidelity is morally wrong – more morally wrong than cloning, than suicide, or than domestic violence,” says Esther Perel, psychotherapist. “It’s an interesting location for something that is not criminal, that is totally consensual.”
Seems a bit drastic to consider it worse than behaviours that are actually illegal…
Many people might be surprised by some of the reasons that people choose to stray outside of their marriage and you might just relate. That’s right, you might just find what you’re looking for.
According to a survey* of 2,018 members of AshleyMadison.com, sex is the number one reason why people choose to cheat (61%). However, the other reasons also reveal a lot more about why some relationships experience infidelity. Cheaters are actively trying to fill a void in their lives, in their marriages and in their relationships. Some want to expand the physical elements like exploring new desires (45%), while others are looking for emotional reassurance like affection (44%), friendship (42%) and the feeling of butterflies again (30%).
The survey reveals that, although mostly physical, cheaters are looking for both physical and emotional validation that they simply aren’t getting from their primary partner.
The reasons why people cheat are very telling of the types of relationships that people find themselves in. When sex and intimacy fade, often times monogamy becomes a struggle for people but they don’t want to leave their partner altogether. Infidelity is an avenue for them to have certain needs met and stay happy in their primary relationship.
Stray to Stay
Infidelity is often portrayed as an immoral act and is rarely looked at in a positive light. But the members of AshleyMadison.com aren’t necessarily looking to leave their spouse, they are looking to feel alive again. People find themselves in a family, in a loving marriage, in financial stability yet are lacking basic needs in those relationships. And that’s why sex comes up as a top reason for why people cheat. This doesn’t mean they’re looking to fully replace their spouse as 54% survey respondents are only seeking short-term dating. In fact, 50% of respondents said they cheat rather than leave their spouse because they love their partner but are just looking for more sexual fulfillment.
As a result, survey respondents have revealed that having extramarital affairs allows them to return to their marriage and their household unit as a happier more satisfied partner. Not surprisingly, for the majority, it came down to the fact their sexual needs were met (76%). For others it made them feel more alive (51%), they felt desired (48%), their emotional needs were met (37%), and they regained their confidence (29%). These are all areas of life that people need in order to feel secure and to be happy, and they get that from finding what they need outside of the marriage when their partner is unable to give them that.
Sure cheating comes with some downsides like potentially getting caught. But for the members of AshleyMadison.com, they aren’t too worried about it. When asked, 71% of respondents said they don’t feel guilty about cheating on their partner, nor is it the top concern for cheaters when entering an affair. So when it comes to cheating, is the risk worth the reward? If the reward means being happy again, then it seems like the answer is yes.
*Survey of 2,018 members of Ashley Madison between January 19,2018 to January 25, 2018
About Ashley Madison
AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for polyamory, open relationships, and people in sexless marriages.