The Practicalities of Polyamory

When you’re looking for new partners on Ashley Madison, it’s integral to understand the importance of open and honest communication while laying ground rules and establishing boundaries.

The definition of polyamory is essentially “sharing” your love partner with others in an open, fully disclosed relationship. You, or your partner, or both you and your partner are in multiple relationships, and it can get tricky simply trying to organize your week so that no one feels left out.

Open the lines of communication:

Whichever type of polyamorous relationship you end up in, most successful open relationships are highly negotiated—and highly organized. You need to clearly define everything from when you see someone to how much contact everyone has pre-agreed upon as appropriate requires some serious negotiation. Polyamory and open relationships require clear communication and understanding from all parties in order to be successful. The popular poly blog, More Than Two, even suggests that communication is the #1 rule in polyamorous relationships.

This means that you need to be clear with your partner about when you’ve met someone, where you’re going, and discuss the things about this potential new partner that make you feel giddy. Whether you’ve met your potential new partner on Ashley Madison, in real life, or through any other means, share these details with your current partner and bring them along for the ride.

Unlike monogamous relationships, polyamory dating requires clearly laying out boundaries and sharing your feelings clearly with each partner, in a way that everyone involved understands and accepts.

But when it’s been a hectic week at work and you’re trying to fit in date nights and find some time to yourself, juggling the demands of polyamory can be difficult. Add on to that those feelings of being let down when you come home from work expecting your primary, live-in partner to be home and they’re out, and what you had thought was a perfect relationship dynamic quickly backfires.

Share your calendars:

One simple tool that polyamorous couples swear by is the Google Calendar. Available in the palm of your hand, you can view your significant other’s calendar, share your calendar with your other SO, and share calendars across the board so that everyone is kept in the loop.

There are a couple of simple ways to keep everyone on the same page—or rather calendar, while keeping your time and expectations managed. You can:

Share your calendars freely (or, if you’re the hinge in a V, share with your SO and your OSO). This is the best option for those who aren’t in a triad or quad because your significant other (SO) and your OSO may not be in a relationship with each other and don’t need to know the details of each other’s calendars.
On the other hand, you could get together to plan out the week as a group. This means that you’re all talking about your calendars, your free time, and your expectations on a regular basis and not playing it by ear.

Whichever option you decide on using to communicate and organize your relationships, schedule date nights in advance and honour your commitments!

There are a number of additional options that you can consider when you share your calendars with your partners. Based on your agreed upon level of shared information, of course, you can:

Share your calendars publicly so that anyone you share your calendar with can see details of your events.
Keep it private so that your calendar is blocked off. Anyone you share your calendar with can see that the time is blocked off, but unless the event is shared with them they won’t know what’s happening.
Pick and choose which events you want public or private. If you feel guilty about blocking off time for yourself, instead of making an event called “tub time” you can easily just show yourself as “busy.”

Your other significant other wants to spend just as much time with you as your significant other, so remember to keep everyone’s wants and needs at the forefront of your week planning.

Remember to plan time for yourself:

The worst thing that you can do is to overbook your calendar. Establish boundaries in advance that you and your partners understand will be your required downtime. Whether you decide to cuddle up in bed all day, read a book, or simply need time in your week to run errands, find time for yourself. Digitally blocking off time for this in your calendar makes it clear that you plan on practicing some self care during that time, it’s clear that you don’t want anyone else to infringe on that.

The best way to avoid conflict is to face it head on.

This means that everyone involved feels heard, feels understood, and feels satisfied with the amount of face time they’re getting. The only way that you can make sure that everyones feelings are accounted for is to keep those lines of communication open. If you want to spend more time with one partner, discuss it! Your feelings are important to your relationships. When everyone is on the same page, you can breath easier because your feelings are validated and understood.

Find your new partner on AshleyMadison.com

We understand that not all polyamorous couples want to broadcast their relationship preferences to the world. That is why Ashley Madison gives you the discretion you’re looking for to seek out a new addition to your life. Curious? Log in to Ashley Madison, create a free profile, and take a look around.

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