Skip to content

Tips For The Perfect Online Dating First Message

    So you chose the perfect profile picture (public or private, whichever suits your needs), have a great username, and found someone who sparks your interest. Great! Now, not to put too much pressure on you, but this is where many people get tripped up.

    The first message stops a lot of conversations before they even start. Here are some things you can do to keep them from hitting the delete button.

    Have a point and get to it. QUICKLY.

    We live in a world where we are overloaded with tons of information and we have the attention spans of goldfish. This is especially relevant for online dating. Simply saying “Hello” will not be enough to get their attention; it’s vague, impersonal, and doesn’t initiate a conversation. Let them know why you messaged them, or tell them a bit about what you’re looking for.

    Now, this does not mean you should say, “You have a great body, wanna meet?” While that does get right to the point, it can also be considered offensive and might get you blocked right away. Read the person’s profile to get an idea of the temperature. If her username is more suggestive, or she explicitly states she is looking for casual sex, your message can reflect that. If not, save the spicier stuff for later on.

    Example 1 : Hey there! Liked what I read here and saw you like Game of Thrones. Red Wedding… W.T.F!!!?? If you haven’t seen it, you need to go home and watch it immediately!

    Example 2:  Hi! I read through your profile and I have to say, only my college English teacher made more use of the Oxford comma than you. My name is Alex. Grammar snob at your service!

    It’s ok to bring the cheese, sometimes.

    Everyone likes to feel special, but there’s a fine line between cute, flattering cheese and over-the-top, insincere fromage. If done well, you’ll showcase your sense of humor and your tender side. That’s a lethal combo! But tread carefully, because the line between cute and romantic to creepy and needy is very, very thin.

    Example 1:  You owe me a dollar because your profile melted my heart like a chocolate bar in my pocket on a hot summer’s day.

    Example 2: How does it feel to be the most beautiful person here?

    Or just tell a joke:

    Example 3: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. I promise I’m not always this cheesy, but I’ll always keep trying to put a smile on that beautiful face!

    Look for common interests.

    You’ll probably see a huge number of people who like the same stuff as you. Great! Right? Right! But you don’t want to be an overzealous fan. It’s fantastic if you find a person who likes the same weird things you do, but don’t overdo it here. Simple acknowledgments can go a long way. Common interests are a good way to break the ice and also show that if you do end up on a date you won’t have to endure awkward silence for an hour and a half.

    Example 1: Hey there. I’m Ashley. Totally dug the profile, you seem cool. Gotta say, hiking Half Rim was such an escape for me. How did your hike go? Let’s chat sometime.

    Example 2: Hi! I noticed that we share a love of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants! (not really). =) But seriously, we seem to like a lot of the same movies/beers/things/ etc. Maybe we should share a beer/thing sometime?

    Be natural and poke fun; don’t be creepy or needy, and be concise. Most importantly, have fun! If you sound fun in your message, they’ll be more likely to think you’re fun IRL.

    Now that you’ve been schooled in the best kinds of first messages, let’s get started! Head on over to Ashley Madison to find your next potential partner and send them an opening line that truly wows them.

    About Ashley Madison

    With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating.  Download one of our mobile affair apps and see for yourself!

    *Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

    All Posts

    App Store Google Play
    Facebook Icon Instagram Icon Twitter icon