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Top 7 Fantasies: What Men and Women Really Want

    One of the top reasons people join sites like Ashley Madison is because they have an adventurous attitude towards sex and an interest in exploring their fantasies and desires.

    In an interview with the Huffington Post, social historian Meghan Laslocky says, “Sexual fantasy is a vital part of who we are. It’s a vital part of what makes us human, a vital part of the human condition. It’s creative and it’s what separates us from animals.”

    According to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Sex and Medicine, the most popular sexual fantasies are actually pretty routine. From oral sex to feelings of romance during the act, most people would consider these standard bedroom activities.
    Looking at recent data reveals a little more insight into what people are getting off on. With nearly 92 billion porn videos watched during the year, the most frequented searches can give us an idea of what people are fantasizing about.

    While nothing is unusual in the bedroom as long as you have the right partner, here are a few fantasy ideas that transcend the traditional box when it comes to top fantasies among Ashley Madison members and the general public.


    • Role Play
      Whether you’re looking to don a nurses’ outfit or to fully embrace your sexy alter ego, role playing is the easiest and most acted upon fantasy in America. Ashley Madison research has found that much of America has actually acted out their role play fantasies. As many as 30% of men and 25% of women say they have engaged in role play in the bedroom to get in the mood.
    • Exhibitionism/Unusual Places
      Ever had the desire to get it on in a public bathroom? On an empty beach? In the forest? Turns out that a number of women fantasize about getting freaky outside of the bedroom. Even the kitchen floor counts!
    • Bondage
      From light bondage using neckties to full fledged Shibari, Americans are obsessed with the idea of being submissive to their partner. Google Adwords data shows that “submissive” was one of the top 2016 sex search terms!
    • Domination
      Taking charge in the bedroom can be a complete thrill. Women are interested in this fantasy of turning the bedroom into a place where they can have complete power over their partner.
      On the flip side, studies have found that between 31-57% of women have fantasies of forceful sex. Fantasies don’t mean that’s what they want to happen in real life, but forceful sex fantasies hinge on the idea that they’re giving up their power in the bedroom.
    • One Night Stand (Sex w/ Strangers)
      While hookup culture and one night stands might seem more common in the younger generation, adults of all ages are taking to sites like Ashley Madison to seek out all kinds of casual encounters.
    • Group Sex
      Fantasies with more than three partners are quite common for women, as these types of videos are among the most searched for by women online.
    • Threesome (MFF)
      Good news for men who regularly fantasize about getting their woman in bed with another woman: Women also fantasize about a male/female/female threesome.


    • Role Play
      Considering that Ashley Madison research found that more men than women admitted to role play in the bedroom, it’s safe to say that men are quite excited by the idea. (The good news is that 71% of women like it too!)
    • Oral
      More than 90% of men think about oral stimulation when they’re thinking about sex. Receiving blowjobs, multiple women servicing them, and orally pleasing a woman top men’s oral fixation fantasies.
    • Threesome (MFF)
      The idea of two women together in the bedroom gets over 80% of men excited according to the study in the Journal of Sex and Medicine.
    • Anal (Giving & Receiving)
      The butt and nothing but the butt is high on men’s lists. Whether they want to give or receive, anal sex tops things that men think about, the porn they search for, and the things they want to try with their partner.
    • Ejaculating on a Partner
      Maybe this is due to the portrayal of the male orgasm in porn, but men sure do think about this one a lot. Whether it’s on the face, breasts, or butt, men want to finish with some flair.
    • Voyeurism
      Anyone who watches porn has a little bit of a voyeuristic tendency. The act of watching other people getting it on digitally and becoming aroused can translate into wanting to watch their partner or other couples in real life.
    • Exhibitionism
      Exhibitionism takes place on the other end the spectrum from voyeurism and often involves having sex in unusual places where the risk of getting caught could be extremely high. Men and women alike think about this a lot, as evidenced by the sheer number of stories of people having sex in public bathrooms or work closets.

    According to David J Ley Ph.D., the reason people fantasize about certain things relates to their  ego and personality state.  

    “A person who craves attention might repetitively fantasize about being the center attraction at an orgy, whereas another who has deep-seated feelings of shame and self-loathing might fantasize about being sexually punished and humiliated.”

    Psychologists and sex educators suggest opening the lines of communication, both with yourself and your partner, in order to discover exactly what it is you want.

    Your wants and desires aren’t something to be ashamed of and, as long as everything is consensual, should be explored. Considering acting out on one of your sexual fantasies? Create a profile on a discreet hookup site like Ashley Madison and declare what it is that you’re looking for.

    About Ashley Madison

    Ashley Madison is a world-famous married dating website that operates in 47 countries. The site attracts cheaters looking for infidelity, adultery, and extramarital affairs.  Download one of our married dating apps and share a married man or lonely wife today.

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