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Woman in a white dress shows her hands tied behind her back with a red ribbon in kink play.

Curious About Kink? Try our Beginner’s Guide from Mild to Wild

    Looking for new ways to explore and push your sexual boundaries in the bedroom?

    Think Kink.

    On Ashley Madison, one of the top 10 preferences married men and women say they are looking for is light, kinky fun. Experts say that, with good communication and clear consent, incorporating a little 50 shades style play into your sex life can be more exciting (and less intimidating) than you ever imagined.

    Leather and latex aren’t your thing? Kink-inspired adventures can be customized to cover an almost endless range of turn-ons and experiences—from mild to wild.

    Even simple additions—like vibrators, ice cubes, massage oil and sexually-charged outfits—can unleash hot and sexy explorations between the sheets.

    From light kinky fun to more intense suggestions, the Ashley Madison team has assembled a few tips on how to help you find new moments of erotic fun with your lover or affair partner.

    Why are So Many People Talking About Kink on Ashley Madison?

    Popular culture and more open, modern views on sexuality is making 50 shades-inspired play more mainstream and “normal” than ever before.

    Kink, once a forbidden taboo, is finding its place in the privacy of bedrooms around the globe as more and more lovers become inspired by popular books, movies, TV shows and more.

    Experts say this new openness and awareness about kink is encouraging lovers and affair partners to become more open in expressing their sexual needs and fantasies.

    In fact, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research discovered that only 55% of couples are sexually satisfied—but those who said they are satisfied were the ones who had more frequent–and more varied–sex lives.

    Another modern day revelation is that kink encompasses many shades and doesn’t have to be full-blown BDSM.

    Kink can start from experimental, reasonably tame foreplay and progress onward as desires evolve and lovers become more comfortable in discussing their sexual turn-ons.

    Our Ashley Madison kink guide starts at the bare VANILLA of sex. If you mostly favor standard sex and secretly dream of boundary-breaking intimacy, this is for you.

    Here are a few expert tips on how to start exploring a new world of pleasure!

    Beginners Guide to Kink

    Starting mild? Talk about the suggestions below with your lover or affair partners to see how far you’ll go.


    • Oil Foreplay Massage
    • Food and Sense Foreplay (Licking, Biting, Edibles, Ice Cubes, Feathers)
    • Describing Each Person’s Ultimate Sexual Fantasy/Role Play to Each Other

    Getting Warmer

    • Acting Out a Sexual Fantasy/Role Play and Introducing it as a Story
    • Blindfolded Teasing Foreplay Incorporating Food and Sense
    • Single or Multi-Pleasure Sex Toys to use During the Role Play/Story

    A Little Wild

    • Male/Female Domination within the Role Play/Story
    • Impact Play (Spanking, Biting, Handcuffs, Restraints)
    • Warm Wax Play

    Mild to Wild Toy and Tool Kit:


    • Massage Oil
    • Feathers, Ice Cubes
    • Licking Chocolate, Edible Lotions 

    Getting Warmer:

    • Solo Vibrators/Couples Rings
    • Blindfolds
    • Handcuffs
    • Restraints

    A Little Wild:

    • Whips
    • Ropes
    • Hot Wax
    • Leather or Latex Outfits

    Expert Tips & Advice

    • Start small. Introduce mild, stimulating foreplay in a lit bedroom or go for light, kinky sex in the shower. If it sounds like fun to you and your partner, introduce a variety of edible lotions and potions to take things to a new, sensual level.
    • Buy some steamy novels and sex guides to help inspire you and your affair partners. Choose one or two new things you’d each like to try and talk it through to make sure you both agree on how and when to introduce those experiences in the bedroom.
    • If you’re into it, send racy sexts—or leave erotic notes for your partner—to help drive anticipation for your next affair.
    • Ask your lover about a few of their fantasies and play them out, costumes and all.
    • Blindfold or handcuff your partner as you perform on them orally.
    • If it feels good, incorporate stimulating vibrations and love bites as you progress into the hot and heavy activities.

    Experts urge couples and lovers to create a sexual story together.

    In this story, the couples are the lead characters and progress the plot by building up each other’s sexual stimulation and anticipation through gestures and actions that turn each of them on.

    The characters they create are meant to express an attribute of each person’s sexuality, that in which they can explore fully with one another. There are no limits to what each person’s sexual desires entail, as this is a safe zone.

    Communication is KEY, especially if your stories become more detailed, with hints of dominance, submission, and sadomasochism starting to be introduced.

    You and your partner must develop a safe word and be sure to communicate your thoughts afterward in order to tailor your experience to each others’ needs and preferences. The importance of aftercare should also be something you plan for in advance, because you’ll most likely need to check in with each other and offer support as part of kinkier sexual experiences.

    Some couples find it helpful to see a sex therapist to help them explore and navigate new ways to connect – and it can also be helpful to download online sex menus and books to help clarify and define how far you’ll explore the world of kink together.

    Experts strongly suggest setting a safe-zone time limit when you first start engaging in kink activities, to allow you to check-in with your partner before things get too hot and heavy.

    What if Your Partner Is Just Not That Into Kink?

    Kink isn’t for everyone, and if your partner or lover cringes or panics at the thought of transitioning from vanilla sex, you’ll need to respect their wishes, be understanding and go slow.

    The fact is that some people are just not that into kink. As reported in The Guardian, research conducted by Queen’s University found that brain waves and sexual arousal directly correlate to what turns different people on. Some people are simply more aroused by adventurous sex, while others get the same levels of arousal from a more straightforward, traditional approach to sex.

    If this is the case for your partner, and they’re only entertaining the idea of participating to fulfill your own sexual desires, SLOW the process down and always respect their wishes.  

    Experts say patience is a powerful and necessary trust builder when it comes to trying new forms of sex play. Communicate clearly throughout and transition slowly into new forms of intimate play. Always make sure your partner knows that they are appreciated, respected, and not being judged for anything they are doing or feeling.

    If you’re new to kink and are looking for an affair/polyamory partner (or partners) on Ashley Madison to help you explore; it’s important to be very honest about what you’re looking for—and seek someone out who’s comfortable expressing their own desires in a straightforward and upfront way.

    Be sure to fill out the preferences section of your Ashley Madison profile and be clear about what turns you on. (See our Ashley Madison security and privacy blog for tips on safeguarding your identity online.)

    Ideally, you should start slowly and seek out someone who catches your eye and is on a similar place on the kink spectrum, or is willing to slowly teach you the ropes. And, as with all connections on Ashley Madison, it’s important to communicate with everyone you meet with respect and no judgment – and follow these tips for safe dating.  

    Any time you try a new sexual adventure, it’s normal to be nervous, so start slow, stay open-minded, communicate clearly—and take time to educate yourself about the world of kink.  

    When you and your partner are ready, take the plunge and experience the untapped pleasures and passion that kink-inspired play can bring into your sex life.

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