06 Sep Have an Orgasm for Marriage Sakes
If you’re in a relationship, whether you’re married or dating, chances are that having a steady and healthy sex life is important to you. Although it’s possible to have a satisfying sex life without orgasms, that’s not the case for everyone. The orgasm is the holy grail and if you bring your partner to the big O you’ve got it all figured out, or at least an important part figured out. But what if you can’t? What if you just haven’t been able to do it for your partner like you used to if you used to at all. Is it leading your partner to stray?
Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website*, surveyed more than 1,300 members to find out whether they are having more orgasms with their spouse or their extramarital partner and why. The result? Women report experiencing more orgasms with extramarital partners than they do with their spouses, a lot more.
If you and your partner have lost that spark and are just not doing it for each other anymore, here are some helpful tips learned from the members of AshleyMadison.com to get you through your bedroom struggles.
Find out what makes your lover tick
Communication is key. Take some time and talk to your spouse about what they want. Even if you’ve been together a long time, people change and so do their needs and sexual desires.
AshleyMadison.com members who responded to the survey said that their partners are unable to make them climax because their partners are too focused on their own pleasure, neglecting the needs of the other. When asked if their spouse was able to make them climax, 49% of female respondents said their spouse only gives them an orgasm “sometimes” or “rarely”. However, 83% said they are able to reach climax with their extramarital partner and when asked about frequency more than half (59%) claimed they experience an orgasm “always” or “most of the time” with their extramarital partner.
If you’re not willing to find out what your partner likes, someone else will. It seems an affair gets the juices flowing again with 62% saying the top reason they climax more with an extramarital partner is because they focus more on the respondent’s pleasure, not their own. An extramarital partner’s attractiveness ranks second (46%).
Make sure you’re one of the people trying to figure out what your partner likes because you don’t want to make an effort and be left high and dry, and unsatisfied because they went somewhere else. Show them that their pleasure is a prerequisite for yours, and you’ll have them moaning in no time!
Show some enthusiasm
You might be having a long week, or just not feeling all that confident. But a lack of enthusiasm will generally leave your partner feeling underappreciated and worse, undesirable. The more you show you’re engaged and having fun, the less likely they’ll seek that sexual excitement elsewhere.
When asked more specifically why their spouse isn’t able to make them climax, the biggest issue identified was their partner is too focused on themselves (29%), followed by the sex lacking excitement (28%) and a lack of attraction/not able to get them in the mood (24%).
Don’t be shy about voicing what you really want — whether it’s kinky, a departure from what you or your partner’s used to, or even downright weird. If you want it, you should ask for it. Be open and honest with yourself and your partner, and that honesty will help lower your inhibitions so that you can really get into the action. And trust us, you should never, ever knock it till you try it.
Don’t make it all about you
Although you want to voice your likes and dislikes, it can’t only be about you. Make them feel wanted and special and they will not only feel satisfied, but they’ll likely be inclined to reciprocate. Forget to do this and they might find someone else to get it done. The world has enough selfish people in it, show some generosity would ya!
Who doesn’t like to wake up to find your partner already at work under the sheets, so next time think about returning the favor. Take a page from Mick Jagger “if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need!”
Treat them as you want to be treated
Which means NO FAKING IT. Fauxgasms are a short-term solution to a long-term problem. Try new techniques even if you initially feel awkward. The more you keep trying to save your partner’s self-esteem by leading them to believe they are doing a good job, the worse it’s going to be for the both of you.
Four syllables, one word: Cunnilingus. Yes, that word isn’t a huge turn on but doing it for your partner can be a huge turn on for them. According to the survey taken by Ashley Madison members, 70% of female respondents said they experience orgasms most often during oral sex.
Need more proof? A study done by the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that women are twice as likely to have given oral without ever getting it in return. The study also found that women who are married or living with someone enjoy receiving oral sex a whole lot more than all the single ladies. So, fellas, this might just be the way to get your partner back in the saddle.
Don’t let yourself go
Sometimes it’s easy to think, “we’ve been married for years, I’m not trying to impress anyone.”
That’s going to be the exact reason why they’re out looking for moregasms instead.
Show your partner you care not only about your body and health but that you want to be your best self for them. This will likely increase your odds of them pinning you down and ripping your close off for some spontaneous sex.
Keep up with your exercise, eat healthily and maintain your style.
There is plenty of research out there that indicates that consistent or regular exercise is a huge benefit in the bedroom – feel and look stronger, increase your stamina, and be more confident, all of which will help improve your drive and your skills. Here are some quick workouts to mix into your routine and how exercise will improve your sex drive.
Spicing it up
When asked what would help save their marriage, 54% of respondents said that a livelier sex life incorporating things like sex toys, role play, and threesomes would help keep that romantic flame lit. Reinvigorating date night would also be beneficial with 22% saying quality time without the kids would do the trick. Maybe you’ve always wanted to tie your partner up in the bedroom, or have yourself tied up! Either way, at this point it would be worth a try, right?
Don’t get down on yourself, get down on your spouse and give them that mighty O you both have been looking for. Take it from Ashley Madison, its members have expressed their feelings towards what they need and what they’re looking for, helping you give your partner what they need.
About Ashley Madison
AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating and the global leader for affairs, hookups, and fantasy. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating.
*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002